Test-Forgiving
We all long for deep and loving relationships, but unfortunately all of us have experienced hurt and possibly even abuse by others. It is painful and we suffer from it. Just as physical wounds can become infected and fester, wounds in our heart can grow into bitterness if we don’t act. Time alone won’t heal!
In response we often withdraw ourselves and build up walls as protection. As a result, we don’t allow anyone to get close to us and we become isolated. Alternatively, we react with anger, hold the mistakes against the other person, and seek revenge. This leaves our thoughts to be consumed with the hurt the other person caused us.
By using these strategies, we try to protect ourselves from further misuse, but in the end we hurt ourselves even more. Furthermore, if we’re hurt we won’t treat others with love – Hurt people hurt people.
The only escape from this vicious cycle is forgiveness, which can be very hard if we have experienced significant pain. However, as long as we don’t forgive we stay bound to the person who hurt us and to the past. This is because we can’t just forget painful experiences and can only try to repress the memories. But God wants us to be free – free from bitterness, free from the desire for revenge, and free from the pain of the past.
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is choosing to let go of all reproaches and accusations against the other person. I hand him/her into God’s hands. Rather than passing judgment myself, I trust God, who is the just judge, and let Him decide what will happen with the other person. It also means that I no longer count the other person’s sins against him or hold them over him. In other words, as I’m already living with the consequences of his sins and can’t change the past, I now make peace with this and release the other person from all his debts against me.
This is my decision alone. It is completely independent from the other person, whether he/she says sorry or not or whether he/she is present or not. We’re not dependent on the person who hurt us.
Though forgiving is good for the other person, first and foremost I do it for my own good. When we forgive, we become free from negative feelings like fear, anger, or bitterness and can then become healed and whole again.