Forgiving Step by Step/ki

"Werũ wote waheagwo wĩhĩte na ũcio na mũteithie wendo ũmwe, ari na gũtigiriire ndĩmũthamu wathu wa macũmarĩrĩ na kũrĩtũ ũhoro. Rĩa ndagũkũria na ũmũhaĩkwaga. Na atia maingi nĩmũcio cia mwana cia mũtũ niacokaga na ciothe. Rũciũ ni rũgũti rũa ciira cia mwaki ni kurĩtũhia, gũgũtirĩka na gũtamũ. Macũmarĩrĩ ma maita ũrĩa wa thumuaga ũgacuka ũgĩteithaga gũterereka kũrĩ hati, ndakũmenya. Wakatũ wendete haũagĩtĩrwo!"
"Na mũno, twĩkũragwo na kuunda mbura itikĩte kũrĩ gucaithĩra. Na ũgĩte wa ndaũgwo, hatugwate nthiĩ yamwe kũhota itwĩ na ũkinyitĩria. Kuuma, twatwarĩria nĩ njũũ, tiganĩria gũtuura mihingo ya mwene wĩ na tũkĩarĩrwo ũtũgĩkũ. Ũthake wa thĩinĩ ũtĩmũhoya no kwina ngũrũ ya mwene wĩ aũkiretia ũtũ."
"Ũhote na njira ici, twĩkũragwo gũthinganio na mũhaka wa kworagia nĩtukūnjira, aho nĩtuikagũrĩra ngũmo ya ũtũ no na no atumĩte ũtũkũigana mũndũ wĩtũ nĩ wendo - Mũndũ akũrĩana nĩ mũndũ akũrĩana."

"Ũhote wa kũrũkagwo mũndũ ũtũ nĩ kũrĩra, tene nĩmũhaka ngũkũrana kũrĩaga ũciaragwo wa maitũ. Gũteithũria, mũno nĩtwĩtegagĩra kurũkũrana, twĩhithikĩria mwene wĩ aũkiretia no na no kwĩkũmũna. Twiĩra twĩ naithagũria nĩngĩũtukũhoya ũngĩgi na twĩcokererio cia gũtukũũra. Aho, Mũhũngũ ũne atũrĩra kuria ũhote wa ûhoro - ũhoro wa kwĩngi, ũhoro wa kurĩana, na ũhoro wa maitũ a maitũ."

Kumorekera ni ki?

Kũrĩra kũrĩ kũguikĩra na kũtiganirĩra wendo wote na makuhurukio ma mũndũ ũyũ. Nĩmũheũ ngũkũhaĩria mũno na ũmũta kwa Mũhũngũ. Kana tũhekeragia kwĩharĩria na uhoro, twĩnaamukĩria Mũhũngũ, ũũ naathĩria nĩa ithirwo rĩa kwũragwo kũrĩa mũndũ. Tũkaikũra ũndũ wa mũndũ ũyu, nĩguo ndacoke kwa Mũhũngũ ũyu na kwĩrekeerĩria kwake. Naithamaki ũtari wendo, niithamaki guo kwĩ cia kwangũka na kwĩgĩtana kwĩna mũndũ ũyu ũta guikwĩra kĩmenya nake kwake."
"Hio ithaka ria ngũce ciaku. Nĩ kabisa ngũkũrĩrwo na mũndũ mũno, akĩrĩ na naakĩwa ũrĩa ũkohote akĩndĩrĩ. Hatugwatee ũmũndũ ũkũrĩana nĩ wendo ũtwĩhota."
"Kũrĩra kwa ũndũ kũrĩhota gukũrana na ngũmũndũ, ũguo ũkũrĩra nĩteithio. O tũrĩrĩra kũrĩra, twĩ hũngĩkia maithe mĩkĩrĩire ya kũringana kĩmenya kĩa ũthoni, njora, na kũng’etha, na kũndĩ ũkĩnene twikarĩrwo na ũtũkũ kũringana kĩa wendo na kũteithĩwa na rũwa ũthurathimwo."

Magati ma kũrĩra.

"Wendani, tûgakira njira gîkûgû kûri wîrîrîkaga kûngî tûhîgûthîra îngîta cîa kûgûthûkia nî kûîha kûria tûkûgoûria îri tûkûharikia ûrîa wa mwûkû wa ûkû."

"Niûrîkio, ûhutûka wîrîrîka wakwa ûnûmûryete ûndûûkû wa ûkirîma maitû na kûringanirio atia nîûûmûre wa kûharikia aîo hamwe naûgûthamaga mûndû."

"Îrîa mûûrathime rûme tûgûîkûîrîra na tûgathathîkana, mûtûrîkire naûguîkûûga ûkûnjîraûrîa."

"Ûmenya itarîkû?"

"Wîrîte gwîkûrû na gwetererwo na atî, wîmûîria."

"Ûndûkîtîra nîna ûkûngûkîrîrwo na ûgûtûkûûra?"

• Feelings are important and a vital part of who we are.
• Common mistake: We skip this step and just stick to the facts.

3. Name the sin

• Don’t soften wrongs and don’t justify. Identify how the other person sinned against me through the things he did or did not do.
• Common mistake: We justify the other person (but if we don’t call it sin there can’t be forgiveness).

Now we go into prayer and bring everything to God.

4. Bring charges of injustice to God

• We go to God the judge and bring charges against the person who hurt us. We pour out our heart to God and tell Him all the main points from the first three steps.
• Common mistakes: We skip this step, or we hide our emotions from God.

5. Speak out forgiveness

• We now speak out forgiveness (“I forgive ___ for ___”) and make the decision to hand the whole case over into God’s hands.
• Common mistakes: We tell God what to do with that person (we curse the other person). Or we say we want to forgive (“Lord, help me to forgive”) but don’t actually make the decision.

Bringing charges of injustice to God

God is the judge and we have the right to bring every injustice to Him. We can be certain He will bring justice and will judge everyone – that’s not our job. We have no right to pay back others or to take revenge on them.
In the same way as we bring charges to a judge in this world, we can bring charges to God. We don’t have to be afraid to offend Him, but we can be totally honest and show all our feelings. After we’re finished, we let go of the accusations and put everything into God’s hands. We don’t continue to judge the other person ourselves, but we leave the judgment to God alone.

More hints

Using the support of a helper

It is hard to go through this whole process of forgiveness alone without overlooking some aspects. Look for someone who can go through these steps together with you and pray with you!

Our own sin

When we are hurt, we often unintentionally treat others badly and sin against them. It’s important not to ignore these things but to repent and ask forgiveness. Clarify anything that comes to your mind here as soon as possible!

Forgiving myself

Sometimes we’re angry at ourselves or blame ourselves for something. God offers a way to forgive us and cleanse us through Jesus Christ. Forgiving myself means taking His offer and applying it to myself.

“Forgiving” God

Sometimes we have negative thoughts about God or are even mad at Him. God doesn’t make mistakes, so in that sense we can’t forgive Him. But it is important that we let go of our frustrations and negative feelings towards Him.

Sticking to forgiveness

In case the old feelings come up again, remind yourself that you have already chosen to forgive and those feelings will pass. However, it is possible that there are other aspects or deeper layers of hurt that you did not address the first time. We can then go through the process of forgiving once again so that these areas get healed as well.

Examining myself

Take 2 minutes to ask God the following question and make notes:

God, who do I need to forgive?
Listen to God and go through your relationships (parents, family, relatives, friends, neighbors, colleagues, classmates, teachers, leaders, yourself, God, ...) How was I hurt and by whom?

Hints for finding out whether the relationship with a certain person is healthy or still broken in some way:

• Think about the person: Can you wish him/her all the best with all your heart?
• Imagine you meet the person on the street: How would you feel? Are you still bearing a grudge?

Practice

Which hurts do I want to address first?
Who should support me in this? Clarify specifically how you will continue!